Time increases the ability in which we can deal with the pain.

I hate the phrase "Time heals all pain" or any phrase similar to it. I understand it's meant to be comforting. I'll admit I've used it also. However, I don't believe it's true. I don't believe time heals. I believe in time we condition and can handle the pain. If anyone has been in sports, the sport itself doesn't get easier, you'll just able to preform better. I use to be in swimming. Believe me swim practice never got easier. After enough time, my muscles and mind learned to handle more, kick faster, swim longer, breathe more effectively. I feel that the pain we feel is similar to that. Now there is pain we heal from broken bones, our first crush, and similar growing pains. However, when we lose a loved one that is a completely different pain. I feel like I lost more than my mom. I lost part of my future, and a huge part of my present.

It's been five years. I have learned to handle a lot of pain since there. I wouldn't say it has gotten easier. My family has changed drastically. I struggle with trying to decide how I fit in the family that I have now. It is by no means the same family I had when my mom was alive. My dad has remarried. My stepmother has three daughters which means I have three stepsisters. With the stepsisters, there are more people living in my dad's house. My stepsisters' boyfriends and I believe another one of their friends lives there. Also, two of my stepsisters has daughters. One of my younger brothers is a boy school for breaking into houses. My youngest brother has to live in the house and is exposed to more than I want to know. I know that some of the people in the house has been convicted of criminal acts or at the very least arrested. I really hate that my youngest brother is exposed to that. I don't know where I fit in this family. I'm not sure I do.

I try to focus on the good things in my life. I have to focus on the positives in my life. If I don't, I don't think I could survive. I have great friends who I have a ball with. They love me and respect me and support me. They are my family. I know that they would do anything in their power to help me, and I would do the same for them. Last week, I was reminded of how much my friends help me. My car broke down on Easter. Tim was up here visiting with my family, and my car broke down before we were able to get back to Tim's. Tim helped keep me calm. I was so close to breaking down in sobs and wasn't sure what I was going to do. He helped make arrangements to get my car fixed which actually changed throughout the week. It was crazy, and I had friends who helped pick me up from work. My grandmother let me borrow her car since she was out of town. I firmly believe that this week was my Easter present to remind me that I have people who love and support me. I think that maybe I was forgetting that. I'm ashamed to say that at times I get so caught up in what I've lost or everything that I have going on that I forget that I'm not alone. I have so many people who are willing to help me. I just need to learn to accept help when I need and to rest when I need it.

Talking about rest, I think I'm going to do just that. Relax and rest.

Love you all, thanks for reading!!! Please comment!!