I'm writing because I woke up with this gut wrenching pain of an empty stomach. I thought I'd try to be productive since I can't sleep. I figured I'd brag about Tim since he completely impressed me today while rock climbing.
There's a route on the wall that looks like a three steps upside down and then about 9 feet of straight climbing to the ceiling. As a climber, you have to crawl up them. It's quite a challenging route. When I did it, when I got to the straight climb, my entire body was shaking. Tim and Scott were cheering me on and I couldn't move. "You can do it. You're almost there" They shouted. "I'll do it as soon as I can get my legs to stop shaking!" I shouted back. My knee was shaking so hard that I had bruises where it hit the wall repeatedly. When Scott let me down, they were afraid that I wasn't able to stand on my own. To be honest, I wasn't sure either.
Okay, I said I was going to brag about Tim so here goes. Today, he tried that same route and fell a few times. He decided that he's try it again later after climbing a few other routes. I wasn't sure if he was going to, but I hoped he would. He was getting so close! After climbing a few more routes, he decided to go again. This time I was belaying him. Our new climbing buddy, Justin, was earlier. As Tim started the climb, he was hitting every hold nicely. I was quite pleased that he actually listened to my advice about one of the trickier holds on the second step. (A guy who's not afraid to listen to a woman's advice, got to love it!!!) As he was getting over the last step, he started to hesitate. I thought he was going to let go. I yelled "OH NO, YOU CAN DO IT!" He says that's what gave him the final push. I don't know about it, but my heart leaped when I saw his arms pull and legs push and he made it to the straight climb. It was AWESOME to see. I was so excited that he finished it. He wanted to do something he hasn't done yet today, and he did. I couldn't get the clips undone fast enough. I wanted to give a huge hug that he deserved. It was amazing. I understand how he feels when I beat a route that I'm struggling with.
Alright, I could brag more about more he's done, but I'll save it for another blog. I just had to get this one out. I couldn't have been happier to see him finish that route!!!
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
Monday, March 15, 2010
Memories Just Sneak Up On Us
Disclaimer: I'm writing this to vent about my feelings. After typing it all out, I may not have the energy to proof it before posting it. I will try to proof it later. Please forgive any errors.
I'm listening to music that I loved and addicted to when I was younger. Music from my teen years, which began ten years ago. Geeze that seems like such a long time ago. So much as has happened. I can't believe how time changes. I'm twenty three years old and still have so much to learn. I'm twenty three years old and have gone through so much. It amazes me sometimes that I was able to survive. I honestly believe that I wouldn't have been able to if it weren't for my friends, family and my faith.
I miss my mom. I was nineteen years old when she passed away. I was a junior in high school.She was diagnosed with breast cancer 22 months before that. She fought hard and showed me more strength than I knew was possible. She taught up until she could physically no longer. She went to work even with a walker. She would always say that she was incredibly bless with what she had. Her faith was so rock solid and strong. I couldn't believe how strong she was.
My mom and I fought ALL the time. I was twelve when I met her. She was actually kinda worried about taking my brother and me in. It was only suppose to be a for a week. The foster family that I was living with was going on vacation and couldn't afford to take the foster children they cared for with them. As the week progressed, our case worker asked if my parents were consider adopting us. My biological mother's rights were in the process of being terminated, and my case worker was looking for an adoptive family in case it went through. It wasn't a sure thing, but with the history he was fairly confident that it would turn out for the better. He was right, and my biological mother's rights were indeed terminated. I'm not exactly sure about the time line at this point and it's not entirely important for the purpose of this blog. I came to live with my parents in 99 and was adopted the summer before my freshman year (2002). ...Wow, she was legally only my mom for three years before she passed away...Sorry it just clicked. She of course was my mom starting the moment she and my dad asked if it would be okay if they adopted us.
I know there are so many times that I would rant about how unfair she was and how I couldn't believe what she was making me do, but I miss her. I would do things just to piss her off. I had a pair brown plaid pants. I often called them the mud plaid pants. My mom hated them. "You need to throw those away; they're very out of date." I'd shrug or say okay, and then I'd put them on the bottom of my drawer and wait a few weeks before wearing them again. She also had a firm belief that black and blue don't match, so what did I do? Darn straight, I wore black slacks and a nice blue shirt. She liked my hair short; I wore it long. (I grew up with long hair and I loved my long hair. Major perk that she liked it short lol)
I do have some nice memories of her of course. I do remember one time we where clothes shopping. Shopping was an experience with my mom. Many people when they shop stroll through the store and look at different items and what not. My mom it was a power walking marathon. The first time that I shopped with her I practically had to jog to keep up with her. She was a strictly a go in get what we need and get out shopper. If you can't find it at one store, you don't waste time looking around; you move on the next one. I do have to thank her for my great legs. Power walking is some major exercise. However, back to the happy memory. We were shopping and lunch time came around. We went to Chili's for lunch. It was my first time at Chili's. I couldn't believe how big their sandwiches were. I could barely finish half of it. Although I can't really remember what talked about, I remember feeling specially that we were having lunch just the two of us.
I miss talking to her. It didn't happen terribly often which makes it that much sadder. I remember thinking that it's just the teen years, and when we got past that we'd have a great relationship. I feel so cheated that I can't have a physical relationship with her now. I still talk to her from time to time. I still hear her voice in the back of my head. Sometimes it's helpful. Sometimes it's just as annoying as it was when she was here. However that comforts me a little. It helps that I can be annoyed with her. I mean a little annoyance is part of a healthy relationship especially between a mother and daughter.
It hurts to think about what she's missing. I can't introduce her to Tim. He can only know her through the stories that I tell him which are stained with the bias of a teenager. I can't introduce her to my friends. She couldn't see me walk down the isle to get my high school diploma. I graduated with Academic Honors Diploma which means instead of graduating with 40 credits I graduated with 47 that were specifically designated. She actually wasn't sure if I should try for it. I have dyslexia. Well technically by legal terms I don't. I scored a point above the legal diagnoses of it which disqualified me for additional help in school. She thought it would be too hard and that I would be disappointed when I couldn't do it. SO of course, I wasn't going to let that stop me. I also hate that she won't be there on my wedding day (Lord willing if he blesses me with that honor). I know we'd probably fight over the style of dress or the colors I pick out, but she'd be there. On the other hand, I can see her being very proud and helping me out every step of the way.
I know she still helps me out now and then. There have been times that I should have been late for something and I get there on the nick of time or helped me out of a speeding ticket on the way to a job interview. I still feel her around occasionally. It's less frequent now than it was at first. I miss her and still strive to make her proud of me. I just hope that I'm succeeding.
I will probably write more about her as time goes by. Especially in the next month or two. April 11 will be five years. Every time I think about how long it's been, it shocks me. I can't believe it's been five years. On one hand it feels so much longer, but at the same time it feels just like it was yesterday. I'm not sure that feeling will ever go away.
Since it's about three in the morning now, I think I'm going to lay down. I shall write later. Next blog will be happier hopefully
I'm listening to music that I loved and addicted to when I was younger. Music from my teen years, which began ten years ago. Geeze that seems like such a long time ago. So much as has happened. I can't believe how time changes. I'm twenty three years old and still have so much to learn. I'm twenty three years old and have gone through so much. It amazes me sometimes that I was able to survive. I honestly believe that I wouldn't have been able to if it weren't for my friends, family and my faith.
I miss my mom. I was nineteen years old when she passed away. I was a junior in high school.She was diagnosed with breast cancer 22 months before that. She fought hard and showed me more strength than I knew was possible. She taught up until she could physically no longer. She went to work even with a walker. She would always say that she was incredibly bless with what she had. Her faith was so rock solid and strong. I couldn't believe how strong she was.
My mom and I fought ALL the time. I was twelve when I met her. She was actually kinda worried about taking my brother and me in. It was only suppose to be a for a week. The foster family that I was living with was going on vacation and couldn't afford to take the foster children they cared for with them. As the week progressed, our case worker asked if my parents were consider adopting us. My biological mother's rights were in the process of being terminated, and my case worker was looking for an adoptive family in case it went through. It wasn't a sure thing, but with the history he was fairly confident that it would turn out for the better. He was right, and my biological mother's rights were indeed terminated. I'm not exactly sure about the time line at this point and it's not entirely important for the purpose of this blog. I came to live with my parents in 99 and was adopted the summer before my freshman year (2002). ...Wow, she was legally only my mom for three years before she passed away...Sorry it just clicked. She of course was my mom starting the moment she and my dad asked if it would be okay if they adopted us.
I know there are so many times that I would rant about how unfair she was and how I couldn't believe what she was making me do, but I miss her. I would do things just to piss her off. I had a pair brown plaid pants. I often called them the mud plaid pants. My mom hated them. "You need to throw those away; they're very out of date." I'd shrug or say okay, and then I'd put them on the bottom of my drawer and wait a few weeks before wearing them again. She also had a firm belief that black and blue don't match, so what did I do? Darn straight, I wore black slacks and a nice blue shirt. She liked my hair short; I wore it long. (I grew up with long hair and I loved my long hair. Major perk that she liked it short lol)
I do have some nice memories of her of course. I do remember one time we where clothes shopping. Shopping was an experience with my mom. Many people when they shop stroll through the store and look at different items and what not. My mom it was a power walking marathon. The first time that I shopped with her I practically had to jog to keep up with her. She was a strictly a go in get what we need and get out shopper. If you can't find it at one store, you don't waste time looking around; you move on the next one. I do have to thank her for my great legs. Power walking is some major exercise. However, back to the happy memory. We were shopping and lunch time came around. We went to Chili's for lunch. It was my first time at Chili's. I couldn't believe how big their sandwiches were. I could barely finish half of it. Although I can't really remember what talked about, I remember feeling specially that we were having lunch just the two of us.
I miss talking to her. It didn't happen terribly often which makes it that much sadder. I remember thinking that it's just the teen years, and when we got past that we'd have a great relationship. I feel so cheated that I can't have a physical relationship with her now. I still talk to her from time to time. I still hear her voice in the back of my head. Sometimes it's helpful. Sometimes it's just as annoying as it was when she was here. However that comforts me a little. It helps that I can be annoyed with her. I mean a little annoyance is part of a healthy relationship especially between a mother and daughter.
It hurts to think about what she's missing. I can't introduce her to Tim. He can only know her through the stories that I tell him which are stained with the bias of a teenager. I can't introduce her to my friends. She couldn't see me walk down the isle to get my high school diploma. I graduated with Academic Honors Diploma which means instead of graduating with 40 credits I graduated with 47 that were specifically designated. She actually wasn't sure if I should try for it. I have dyslexia. Well technically by legal terms I don't. I scored a point above the legal diagnoses of it which disqualified me for additional help in school. She thought it would be too hard and that I would be disappointed when I couldn't do it. SO of course, I wasn't going to let that stop me. I also hate that she won't be there on my wedding day (Lord willing if he blesses me with that honor). I know we'd probably fight over the style of dress or the colors I pick out, but she'd be there. On the other hand, I can see her being very proud and helping me out every step of the way.
I know she still helps me out now and then. There have been times that I should have been late for something and I get there on the nick of time or helped me out of a speeding ticket on the way to a job interview. I still feel her around occasionally. It's less frequent now than it was at first. I miss her and still strive to make her proud of me. I just hope that I'm succeeding.
I will probably write more about her as time goes by. Especially in the next month or two. April 11 will be five years. Every time I think about how long it's been, it shocks me. I can't believe it's been five years. On one hand it feels so much longer, but at the same time it feels just like it was yesterday. I'm not sure that feeling will ever go away.
Since it's about three in the morning now, I think I'm going to lay down. I shall write later. Next blog will be happier hopefully
Sunday, March 14, 2010
Amazed by People
I work at a local retail store. Last night while working it was jam packed. My coworker and I had customer after customer. There was a continuous line from about 530pm to about 9p. She and I were working as fast as we can. I understand no one likes to wait in a line, however there is no reason to take it your frustration out on the cashiers especially when you can see they're working as hard as they can. My coworker and I were checking out each member as fast as we could. I even caught myself skipping some of the questions we are to ask all members to try to get them in and out.
I've been working in retail since I was sixteen. As I've changed jobs a few times, I've noticed one common theme occurring no matter which place I work. Many people have little respect for the person behind the counter. I understand my clients come from all walks of life. Some are lawyers, nurses, doctors, construction workers, single parents, kids, and the list goes on. I try not to judge the people I see in my line. Just because you are currently an unemployed single parent or a doctor does not mean you're any better or worse than the next person in my line. I try to keep everything as fair as possible and treat all my clients the same.
I understand that I am a twenty-something year old cashier. However, that's not who I am. I am a person with goals and working as hard as I can to achieve those goals. I feel that many people when they come to my line can see that. What frustrates me are the people who come in my line and look down on me because I'm just a cashier. I'm simply there to serve them and if I don't preform to the level which they see fit then I simply fail. I see these people every day whether I am working or not. You see them too. When you're in the store and they're yelling at the cashier in front of you or while they're walking away they start talking about the cashier while still in clear view of the cashier. I have so many people who start talking about me before the door can hit them in the ass. I understand if I did something that you think is worthy of talking about and if it makes you feel better to make fun of me but have the decency to do it out of ear shot. This isn't my career; this isn't who I am; this is simply what I have to do to become who I want to be.
I know that I am not perfect. I know I've done these actions in the past. I try not to and I hate that I sometimes fall to this level. I just find it so horrible to see how frequent this behavior has become throughout the society. I even see children who follow this behavior because it's what they see from their parents. We have this idea that the customer is always right and if you can't give me what I want then I will simply go somewhere else. THE CUSTOMER IS NOT ALWAYS RIGHT!!!! I'm sorry, but customers, you are only human and therefore will be wrong at least on a rare occasion. If you can't bring a movie back on time, then it is not my fault you have the late fee. I did not lock you in your house, so you couldn't bring back the movie. I didn't let the air out of your tires so you couldn't drive out. Take the late fee you earned and suck it up. AND if you can't bring the movie back in five days, then how do you expect to be able to bring it back the next day!! I mean come on now!
Okay, I'll step down now. I just had to rant a little. I had a crazy night last night and needed to vent a little. Thanks for reading. I hope you were able to laugh a little. Next time you're in line, just show a little appreciation to the person behind the counter. Without them, you wouldn't be able to buy the goods you want.
I've been working in retail since I was sixteen. As I've changed jobs a few times, I've noticed one common theme occurring no matter which place I work. Many people have little respect for the person behind the counter. I understand my clients come from all walks of life. Some are lawyers, nurses, doctors, construction workers, single parents, kids, and the list goes on. I try not to judge the people I see in my line. Just because you are currently an unemployed single parent or a doctor does not mean you're any better or worse than the next person in my line. I try to keep everything as fair as possible and treat all my clients the same.
I understand that I am a twenty-something year old cashier. However, that's not who I am. I am a person with goals and working as hard as I can to achieve those goals. I feel that many people when they come to my line can see that. What frustrates me are the people who come in my line and look down on me because I'm just a cashier. I'm simply there to serve them and if I don't preform to the level which they see fit then I simply fail. I see these people every day whether I am working or not. You see them too. When you're in the store and they're yelling at the cashier in front of you or while they're walking away they start talking about the cashier while still in clear view of the cashier. I have so many people who start talking about me before the door can hit them in the ass. I understand if I did something that you think is worthy of talking about and if it makes you feel better to make fun of me but have the decency to do it out of ear shot. This isn't my career; this isn't who I am; this is simply what I have to do to become who I want to be.
I know that I am not perfect. I know I've done these actions in the past. I try not to and I hate that I sometimes fall to this level. I just find it so horrible to see how frequent this behavior has become throughout the society. I even see children who follow this behavior because it's what they see from their parents. We have this idea that the customer is always right and if you can't give me what I want then I will simply go somewhere else. THE CUSTOMER IS NOT ALWAYS RIGHT!!!! I'm sorry, but customers, you are only human and therefore will be wrong at least on a rare occasion. If you can't bring a movie back on time, then it is not my fault you have the late fee. I did not lock you in your house, so you couldn't bring back the movie. I didn't let the air out of your tires so you couldn't drive out. Take the late fee you earned and suck it up. AND if you can't bring the movie back in five days, then how do you expect to be able to bring it back the next day!! I mean come on now!
Okay, I'll step down now. I just had to rant a little. I had a crazy night last night and needed to vent a little. Thanks for reading. I hope you were able to laugh a little. Next time you're in line, just show a little appreciation to the person behind the counter. Without them, you wouldn't be able to buy the goods you want.
Friday, March 12, 2010
Long Time No Write
I actual forgot about this blog. I rediscovered it while I was reading a friend's blog. Obviously a lot has happened. It's been almost two years since my first entry. I'm not sure where to even beginning catching ya up. Instead, I'm just going to tell you where I'm at now.
I'm back in school. I love hating it. School's been keeping me busy. This semester I have an exam almost every week which translates into a lot of studying. In my biology class, the exams are probably the hardest. The exams are a mix of short answer, fill in the blank, essay, multiple choice, and true or false. The multiple choice and true or false I can handle, but the other questions I'll admit I just don't know how to study for anymore. I hate admitting that. As a formal education major, I have noticed that multiple choice question exams/tests are getting more popular. I'm not exactly sure why that is. It could be that we put such a high importance on the standardize tests that to prepare the students teachers create tests similarly. Also multiple choice tests are easier to create and grade. I think I can come off that soap box now. You'll find that I have a tendency to go off an little tangents. I am glad to be back in school.
As I said I was an education major. I was actually studying to be an English teacher for high school. As my mom use to say, "You're either incredibly stupid or brave; I can't tell which". I think I was a little of both. I'm not sure what she would say to my goal career now. I am studying business. I plan to manage and hopefully one day own a day care. I love spending time with kids. I don't feel like I am giving up my teaching dream. I am just teaching in a different way. I feel that children are our future, and so many of them grow up in hard conditions. I want to be able to help give children a place that they can grow and learn valuable life skills. I also want to give parents a safe and caring place they feel comfortable enrolling their children. I babysat for a close family friend who had three beautiful children, two boys and one girl. The two boys had hemophilia. My friend couldn't leave them at just any daycare. I want to be able to provide an option for parents with children who have medical conditions that make it hard to leave them. They're actually the inspiration to this new life goal. I'll have to thank them one day when I become a kick butt, awesome and famous child care provider.
My friends are still very important to me. I feel like I can count on them for everything. I have made new friends and reconnected with old friends. I feel very blessed to have them in my life. I have a new boyfriend, Tim, who makes me feel absolutely blissful. I'm not sure what I did to deserve him, but I'll do just about anything to keep him. :-) I feel like I can be my silly and crazy self and not be embarrassed. I've actually found myself making a fool of myself in public more often than I have in a long time. As an example, Wednesday I was putting gas in my car and talking to him on the phone. I had realized earlier that day that I could come see him sooner than I planned for the weekend. As I told him the news I did a version of my happy dance (I have several versions). I was at the pump and without caring who sees I started spinning in a circle on one foot and moving my hands in circles at about head level. I didn't even realize I was doing it til I was done. I figure if anyone saw they'll either think I'm crazy or be jealous that they're not as happy as I am. :-)
Well, I think I've taken enough of your time and have told you just about everything I can think of. I hope you enjoyed it and was able to laugh. I have no problem laughing at myself and believe that if I can make you laugh even if it's at me that my goal was accomplished. Life just isn't worth all the pain if you can't laugh at the small things.
I'm back in school. I love hating it. School's been keeping me busy. This semester I have an exam almost every week which translates into a lot of studying. In my biology class, the exams are probably the hardest. The exams are a mix of short answer, fill in the blank, essay, multiple choice, and true or false. The multiple choice and true or false I can handle, but the other questions I'll admit I just don't know how to study for anymore. I hate admitting that. As a formal education major, I have noticed that multiple choice question exams/tests are getting more popular. I'm not exactly sure why that is. It could be that we put such a high importance on the standardize tests that to prepare the students teachers create tests similarly. Also multiple choice tests are easier to create and grade. I think I can come off that soap box now. You'll find that I have a tendency to go off an little tangents. I am glad to be back in school.
As I said I was an education major. I was actually studying to be an English teacher for high school. As my mom use to say, "You're either incredibly stupid or brave; I can't tell which". I think I was a little of both. I'm not sure what she would say to my goal career now. I am studying business. I plan to manage and hopefully one day own a day care. I love spending time with kids. I don't feel like I am giving up my teaching dream. I am just teaching in a different way. I feel that children are our future, and so many of them grow up in hard conditions. I want to be able to help give children a place that they can grow and learn valuable life skills. I also want to give parents a safe and caring place they feel comfortable enrolling their children. I babysat for a close family friend who had three beautiful children, two boys and one girl. The two boys had hemophilia. My friend couldn't leave them at just any daycare. I want to be able to provide an option for parents with children who have medical conditions that make it hard to leave them. They're actually the inspiration to this new life goal. I'll have to thank them one day when I become a kick butt, awesome and famous child care provider.
My friends are still very important to me. I feel like I can count on them for everything. I have made new friends and reconnected with old friends. I feel very blessed to have them in my life. I have a new boyfriend, Tim, who makes me feel absolutely blissful. I'm not sure what I did to deserve him, but I'll do just about anything to keep him. :-) I feel like I can be my silly and crazy self and not be embarrassed. I've actually found myself making a fool of myself in public more often than I have in a long time. As an example, Wednesday I was putting gas in my car and talking to him on the phone. I had realized earlier that day that I could come see him sooner than I planned for the weekend. As I told him the news I did a version of my happy dance (I have several versions). I was at the pump and without caring who sees I started spinning in a circle on one foot and moving my hands in circles at about head level. I didn't even realize I was doing it til I was done. I figure if anyone saw they'll either think I'm crazy or be jealous that they're not as happy as I am. :-)
Well, I think I've taken enough of your time and have told you just about everything I can think of. I hope you enjoyed it and was able to laugh. I have no problem laughing at myself and believe that if I can make you laugh even if it's at me that my goal was accomplished. Life just isn't worth all the pain if you can't laugh at the small things.
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